Friday, October 22, 2010

Strictly Recap Week 3: Madness? This is Strictly!

Much to my own surprise I managed to turn in my masters project on time Thursday. In light of that deadline, in a sudden fitful action of rationality, I decided Sunday it would be unwise to allocate any of my time to writing a Strictly recap. I know, madness, right? I'll try to make sure it never happens again. Now that I have the time, however, I can barely remember back so far as last Saturday. So, this recap will be short.

Getting the boot last week were Paul and Ola. I liked his valiant death speech in the results show: "Well, if any of us has to go, I think it should be me."

Paul & Ola ~ Rumba ~ 16
I agreed with Paul; it was time for him to go. He had incorporated a magic trick into every dance and I was starting to fear the point at which he attempted to cut Ola in half.

Tina & Jared ~Rumba ~ Did not dance
Tina missed the show this week because she had contracted chicken pox. The totally arbitrary rules of the show ("[contingency] actions may include, but not be limited to changing the format of the show, including, removing, substituting or adding professional dancers and or judges; and cancelling, suspending or altering voting at any time") allowed her a "bye" and she'll be back again this week.
I've decided I like Tina because on her Twitter feed she referred to herself as Spotty O'Brien and even posted a picture of herself. One suspects many actresses would be too self-conscious to post that picture.

Ann & Anton ~ Quickstep ~ 18
It's no longer funny, Britain. Stop voting for her.

Gavin & Katya ~ Rumba ~ 22
Undermarked. Again. The judges' comments seemed to genuinely piss Gavin off. I was waiting for him to start that punching-people-in-the-face game that he likes to play on trains.
Last week's quote from Katya that I wish she'd say to me: "Baby, hold my leg."
Last week's best quote from Gavin (talking about the rumba): "I have to really feel it. But if I start to feel it, I start thinking other things. I don't know if I want to start feeling that way about Katya."

Patsy & Robin ~ Quickstep ~ 24
Increasingly, mad Patsy and camp Robin remind me of Jack and Karen off Will & Grace. Their quickstep, meanwhile, was a hot mess.

Michelle & Brendan ~ Rumba ~ 24
Michelle seemed to be having a nervous breakdown throughout the show. In one of those "here's the other couples clapping" shots, I noticed she was crying. Turns out Brendan's father had died. Which obviously sucks a lot.
Without knowing that at the time, though, the dance felt really, really odd. Their costumes looked to have been designed by Quentin Tarantino, so I imagined that Brendan was having to get her to perform by promising to score some more heroin as soon as she finished the dance. "Come on, baby child. Just one little dance with yo' sweet daddy and then we'll get you some smack to make it all better."

Jimi & Flavia ~ Rumba ~ 25
Still waiting for that moment when Jimi is legitimately good. It didn't happen last week.

Peter & Erin ~ Quickstep ~ 26
Peter used to play goalie for England and is incapable of thinking about anything else. He reminds me of Jimmy Buzzard.

Felicity & Vincent ~ Rumba ~ 29
Crikey that woman is bendy. She can't do anything else, mind. But I don't know any women half her age who could bend backward from a standing position and touch their head to the floor. She also scores points with me for muttering "ah, shit" under her breath on live television.

Kara & Artem ~ Quickstep ~ 31
They had clearly been spending the week in Awesome Town; their dance was easily the best of the night. Kara did cartwheels and spins and slides on the floor and basically made awesome pour out of my television. She and Artem were woefully undermarked. And I'm not just saying that because I am full-on in love with Kara.
Although, I am indeed in love with her. This week she replied to me on Twitter. I'm pretty sure that means we're dating now.
Best judge comment on the dance came from Craig: "A cartwheel in heels; I've done that myself, darling. I know how difficult it can be."

Matt & Aliona ~ Quickstep ~ 31
I often refer to the transformative effects of Strictly, that somehow the experience makes a person more dynamic. I have always thought of it as something that affected the celebrities, but it appears to work both ways. Hanging out with Matt Baker is turning Aliona into a likeable person. I am no longer able to hate her. Sure, I still want to see her with her arm up a cow's ass, but now moreso for fetish purposes.
Best quote from Matt last week came from training footage when he messed up and screamed: "Feet! Why won't you do what you're told?!"

Scott & Natalie ~Quickstep ~ 34
Although Kara Tointon and I are so totally going to get married (I already have a nickname for her: "Life Partner Version 2.0"), I hope she understands that at any point it is OK for Natalie to show up and get naked. Oh, Natalie Lowe, you are so dreamy.
I loved the music for their quickstep ("I Wanna Be Like You," off Jungle Book) but don't actually feel the dance was actually better than Kara and Artem's.

Pamela & James ~ Rumba ~ 35
Good, but not as good as it was marked by the judges. Pamela reminds me of Miss Piggy when she dances. In the rumba, then, I found myself saying aloud: "Oh, Kermy."

- This week Brendan flew back to New Zealand for his father's funeral and will miss Saturday's show. In the beautiful madness that is Strictly, Michelle has been paired with a new partner: Ian 'Jade-Breaker' Waite. They'll be doing the tango, and in training footage it appears Michelle may finally be getting her groove back. I am really looking forward to this. I'm also wondering if perhaps she won't be a little sad when Brendan eventually returns. Ian strikes me as far more likeable.

Who's going to win
This week I'm picking Matt & Aliona to win in a final with Kara & Artem and Scott & Natalie

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