At the start of the year I decided I would quit drinking. This was a resolution that was easily facilitated by the fact that I spent the first several weeks of 2013 suffering some incessant kind of cold that just kept showing up again right as I thought I had rid myself of it. I am determined to simply ignore the fact I'm suffering depression in hopes doing so will convince it, too, to go away, but I have no doubt that said state of mind is a contributing factor in my inability to fully recover physically.
Lord, that was a long sentence.
As I say, I'm not so much 100 percent these days, but I have, at least, arrived at the stage where I'm starting to feel my no-alcohol pledge may have been a bit extreme. I had decided to become a teetotaler because: a) I think CM Punk is cool; b) Beer costs money; c) More often than not booze doesn't improve my mood, and, in fact, has on a number of occasions served only to make things worse. Why spend money to be a miserable person who by his actions is unlikely to win CM Punk's friendship?
But, the thing is: I kind of like to have a drink every now and then.
So, I have come up with seven exceptions to the no-drinking rule. Accepting that I will still only drink in prudish moderation I've decided it's OK for me to imbibe if one or more of the following conditions are met:
- I'm having Rioja, shared with Jenn over a good meal.
- I'm having port, eating popcorn and watching "Strictly Come Dancing."
- I am eating Mexican food or legitimate barbecue (1).
- I am outdoors and it is warm enough for me to comfortably wear just one layer of clothing (e.g, a T-shirt).
- I am in a situation that involves open flame. I'm thinking specifically of campfires but would make certain exceptions for fireplaces or chimeneas.
- I am 40 miles or more away from home.
- I am watching a sporting event live, or televised if in the company of at least two other people.
All that probably makes it seem that I've not really given up drinking at all, but you'd be surprised. Some of those things are damned tricky to achieve in Britain, the fourth condition especially. The last time I remember it being warm enough for just a T-shirt was 2010.
(1) If you don't know what I mean by "legitimate" it's a good bet I would be drinking water with whatever you think barbecue is. A clue: it does not in any way whatsoever involve sausages bought at Tesco –– not ever.