Friday, March 21, 2014

Day 20

I got another rejection today. That is comforting in the sense that it means people are at least receiving my emails. I had started to wonder if perhaps my submissions were going straight to people's spam folders.

As a response to the rejection, I sent submissions to two more agents. I have a deep feeling that I am going about all this the wrong way, but I genuinely don't know how to gain traction, how to go about getting this book published.

I started thinking about this recently when I was mentioning my 183-day initiative to a friend of Jenn's who is a professional painter. Painter of portraits and the like, not houses. When I mentioned sending submissions to literary agents he seemed surprised, as if he thought it might not be the best way to go about things. Since he is someone who can actually pay his bills with his art, I feel this desire to defer to his wisdom, to assume that he knows more than me despite operating in an entirely different medium. So, I have been endlessly second-guessing myself but always arriving at the same question: "Well, what else would I do?" I don't know.

I have also had the thought that perhaps he just thinks I'm an idiot and not at all very good. I frequently lament internally that I don't really come off as an author or the sort of person who would write anything worth reading, because in dinner parties I so often talk about motorcycles and professional wrestling and other things that no one I seem to know cares anything about. So, perhaps he didn't think it was a bad idea to submit to agents but imagined my writing (which he's never read) wouldn't be good enough to be represented by anyone. Or perhaps he was just surprised that someone so dumb as me should manage to think of an intelligent way of pursuing a goal of becoming a professional author.

I don't know. I have low self-esteem. I tend to feel that everyone thinks I'm an idiot. So maybe (probably) he wasn't thinking any of the above and I'm just a bit crap at reading people.

1 comment:

jg_38 said...

Though he may be good at what he does, and his opinion vaild, it is a different type of art. Each type and subset can have different things that work. Sometimes, doing what others are not doing, because of that or not knowing better, can also work.

I know a few people who I do not like to hold conversations with, but since we work in the same field I also know that they hold a great skill dispite me not wanting to hold a conversation with them.