Sunday, January 28, 2007

My Right Ear Produces A Lot Of Wax

In light of this recent talk of poetry, I've decided to post one of the only two readable poems I've written in my lifetime. Note that I do not say it is good. In truth, it is below the standard set by the limericks read by Terry Wogan on Radio 2. But I'm pretty sure it won't cause you to drive pencils into your eyes. If it does, I'm sorry.

This poem was written on a train 10 years ago; I'm not sure of the exact date, but it was in mid- to late-January 1997.


My right ear produces a lot of wax.
I'm not being boastful,
Just telling the facts:
My right ear produces a lot of wax.

Some women have their talents
And some men have theirs;
Some people juggle balls,
Some people cut hairs.

Some can paint houses,
Some can sew a lovely pair of slacks.
But my right ear produces a lot of wax.

Some stand on their tippy-toes,
Or fight wild bears when it snows,
Or put things up their nose
(But for me that's not how it goes).

Some can balance 10 pianos on their backs,
Or stay calm while the enemy attacks.
I've known blokes who could do a thousand jumping jacks.
All the while, my right ear produces a lot of wax.

As for the rest of me,
Well, it's just too hard to say.
I don't know what I'll be
When my hair turns all grey.

I might have an enormous mansion,
Or live in a box.
I might be insane,
Or sly like a fox.

Maybe I'll have a great job
With lots of good friends,
Or be a lonely old yob
Who's wearing Depends.

Will I have a wife who will love me?
And a dog who will, too?
Or when I walk into stores
Will people shout: "Boo?"

Will I live in London,
Or Boston?
New Ulm?
Or Halifax?

All I can say for certain is:
My right ear produces a lot of wax.

9 comments:

Annie Rhiannon said...

And look at you now! A wife who loves you, a great job, and nowhere near Halifax.

Chris Cope said...

Uhm, Annie, I'm unemployed. But other than that, yes.

bryan torre said...

I fear you owe a lot of penance or good deeds or something to overcome the karma of inflicting that poem on the world.
Not that I'm guilt-free, just saying.

Dave Morris said...

Good thing you were waxing poetic.

deanne said...

Reminiscent of Shel Silverstein. That's no bad thing, "Where the Sidewalk Ends" was one of my favourite books as a kid!

Dan said...

Chris, I know this has nothing to do with your post...or blog for that matter. I just wanted to let you know I won the Royal Rumble pool last night by drawing #30 which Undertaker came in at and won.

Why do I tell you this? Really it's more to brag because I know Anthony reads this too and his draw, HBK took second. Also wanted to remind you of your roots as a wrestling fan before you take the complete opposite track and continue down the road of poetry.

Annie Rhiannon said...

Oops, sorry...

Cal said...

Stab (urk!)
Stab (urgh!)

Astrid said...

Haha .. would it do well as a candle, you think?